Masturbation May Help with Long-Distance Relationships

In the U.S., 38% of women and 61% of men have reported masturbating at least once in the past 12 months. These percentages rise considerably when respondents are asked about masturbating at least once in their lifetime. Masturbation is a form of self-sexual pleasure involving hands, fingers, or sexual aids (sex toys) and may also involve visual or audio stimulation. Single and partnered individuals may masturbate to achieve sexual satisfaction, relieve stress, induce sleep, or explore their bodies and sexual self.

People may also masturbate for sexual relief while in long-distance relationships (LDRs), which are relationships in which a couple does not have regular face-to-face interaction or live in the same geographical area. This includes both long-distance marriages (LDMs) and non-marital partnerships. In the U.S., around 3.5-7.2 million people are in some form of LDR, which may be because of educational, work-related, or economic reasons. Many more may have been forced into an LDR during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Researchers reviewed research from the past two decades related to masturbation, LDRs, and the psychological and social motives for masturbating in these specific situations. The goal of their review was to summarize existing information on masturbation in the context of LDRs. They paid special attention to frequency, motivations, and effects on sexual satisfaction, romantic relationships, sexual health, and mental wellbeing.

Why Do Those in Long-Distance Relationships Masturbate?

In general, men are understood to masturbate more often than women. In LDRs, men appeared to masturbate to achieve orgasm or sexual release, and to relieve stress. Men were also more likely to masturbate with pornography or another visual aid.

While women were likely to masturbate for the same reasons, they also reported masturbating to relax, explore their sexual self, learn about their body, help them fall asleep, or to maintain a feeling of emotional closeness.

In both men and women, masturbation seemed to be a way to feel a sense of control when intimacy was unavailable. It was reportedly used to compensate for the lack of partnered stress and to cope with uncertainty. During COVID-19, many LDR couples used masturbation as a way to cope with social restrictions caused by lockdowns and isolation. Many couples may have masturbated together over the phone or a video call, which seemed to help with feelings of loneliness and longing.

Does Masturbation Help with a Long-Distance Relationship?

Despite being used to cope with a lack of physical intimacy, masturbation does not appear to be a full-blown substitute for partnered sex. The review revealed that masturbation can either support or disrupt the relationship, depending on the situation.

For example, excessive masturbation has been associated with increased erectile dysfunction in men, as well as difficulty achieving orgasm in women. Psychologically, a person knows themselves the best, so a pattern of consistent masturbation may change the way individuals react to sexual stimulation. Additionally, the use of pornography or other visual aids has been associated with sexual dysfunction in previous studies.

Conversely, masturbation among women in LDRs was associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction for both partners when they were able to engage in partnered sex. Researchers say this may have to do with improved sexual self-esteem from body exploration.

In terms of emotional well-being, masturbation may not have a direct effect, but improved sleep quality may boost overall mood and help LDR couples maintain emotional intimacy or reduce feelings of loneliness. This was especially evident in situations where couples partook in phone or video sex.

Key Takeaways

• Those in LDRs may use masturbation as a way to cope with being away from each other, to relieve sexual tension, stress, or to help with sleep.
  • Habits may be based on boredom, stress, coping with separation, individual needs, or sexual health needs.
• Men are more likely to explore solo sexual fantasies or use visual aids, while women are more likely to engage in body exploration and relationship maintenance while masturbating.
• Masturbation, sexting, and phone or video sex may be seen as alternative forms of sexual intimacy.
• Overall, masturbation in LDRs does not appear to be seen as competition for partnered sex but as a positive addition to physical intimacy.
• If partnered sex or masturbation is painful or causing problems in a relationship, it may be beneficial to speak with a sexual health therapist.

Resources

Kusuma, N. H., Irnandi, D. F., Pakpahan, C., & An Nguyen, T. T. (2026). Masturbation as a sexual and psychological coping strategy in long-distance relationships: A systematic review. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 23(5). https://doi.org/10.1093/jsxmed/qdag121