On Saturday, October 10, at the 27th Annual SMSNA Fall Scientific Meeting, Dr. Sage Bolte discussed the challenges cancer survivors face when navigating dating and disclosure. How can clinicians counsel patients on telling a potential partner about cancer-related sexual dysfunction? Dr. Bolte emphasized that disclosure is a personal process, and patients should remain in control of how and when they share their cancer experiences.
Dr. Bolte began by sharing the story of a patient who asked, "When do I tell someone?" The patient feared that disclosing their cancer history would discourage potential partners from pursuing a relationship. Disclosure involves considering whether, when, why, what, and whom to tell. "Because I had cancer" can become the starting point for conversations about body image, fertility, sexual function, and concerns about the future.
Dr. Bolte encouraged clinicians to consider the specific developmental and relationship goals a patient is trying to accomplish. There is a difference between owning your cancer story and making that story visible, particularly when navigating online dating. When patients feel unable to disclose their experiences, understanding what their lives were like before cancer can help guide counseling. For some, there is no "after cancer," as they continue to live with chronic or lifelong diagnoses that may create feelings of guilt or uncertainty in romantic relationships.
Fear of rejection can be one of the biggest barriers to disclosure. Dr. Bolte encouraged clinicians to help patients consider questions such as "Why now?", "What now?", "Who?", and "Where?" The timing, stage of the relationship, person receiving the information, and whether disclosure happens online can all influence the process.
Clinicians can create a comfortable environment for discussing disclosure by:
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Opening the door to conversations about dating and relationships.
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Normalizing patients' concerns and respecting their decision not to disclose.
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Protecting patient privacy.
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Exploring what patients want from a relationship before offering advice.
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Referring patients to specialists who can address specific concerns, such as sexual dysfunction.
Dr. Bolte encouraged clinicians to give patients the space to discuss dating and the desire to be known without fear of rejection. Her message was to consider the person behind the cancer diagnosis and support their decisions about disclosure. For patients navigating dating after cancer, the goal is to feel comfortable being known while remaining in control of their own story.